Monday, December 11, 2006

I don't know how to .......I'm sorry

I would be scared too....if someone told me that I was would I say goodbye? Would I just choose not to know and live life as normally as I can.....

We used to visit my grandmother every Sunday when we were young but as we grew older, we became so busy that the family visits became more irregular and then fewer and fewer. It didn't help that I was travelling most of the time. In Bangkok, my mother called me to say that my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. There was a lump that kept must be very serious.

I came back to Singapore and spent Sunday with grandmother. She was playing mahjong most of the time and I sat there as always reading my book. Everyone tried to pretend that things were as normal as could be. I glanced at grandma from the corner of my eye to check if she was okay. She seemed fine.

But when I went to kiss my grandmother goodbye to go home, she suddenly held my hand and kissed it. I was taken by surprise by her sudden action and didn't know how to react. In that instant, her eyes welled up with tears. I felt my heart break into tiny pieces. She was suffering and there was nothing I could do..I didn't even know how to say that I was sorry.

My grandmother is very stubborn and she won't seek treatment because she thinks she is too old from it. My mother tells me that she just wants the bleeding to stop. I think she is just very tired because she overcame alot of difficulties when she had a stroke a few years back. Would cancer hurt alot?

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